Children are the Innocent Victims of a Divorce

Today, sitting in the courts for a final verdict of my divorce case I was feeling terrible. My throat is dry and heart is beating fast. I am feeling extremely guilty. It is not because of a failed marriage or social stigmatisation associated with being a divorced woman but because of making my son an innocent victim of divorce. Now it is too late to reverse the decision. Me and my ex-husband have made a grave mistake. Here I am sharing my mistake with you all as I don’t want any other child to be denied the right to fully enjoy family life due to mistakes parents make without proper foresight.

Why is the nuclear family important? Can a single parent fulfil the role of both parents? How can we prevent children being innocent victims of a divorce? How a Single Parent could contribute towards protecting the right to family life of the child are some of the issues addressed in this article.
Why is the Nuclear Family Important?

The nuclear family is the fundamental and natural unit of any society. Parents, the first guardians of a child are the most important persons of a child’s life. Whatever the socio-economic status or the personality of the parents, the role of mother and father play an essential part in upbringing a child. Traditionally there are expected roles and responsibilities to be fulfilled by both parents. Mother is supposed to play the role of nurturing and the father is supposed to be the breadwinner and provide protection for the family. Although the roles and responsibilities of the mother and the father overlap, there is a sense of shared responsibility in a nuclear family.

Can a Single Parent Fulfil both Roles

As a single parent who has to be economically active to become the sole breadwinner of her/his children, she/he has to compromise care time. Can a single parent ever fulfil the role of both parents? Can anyone else in this world fill the role of mother or father? Wont that child have a gap in care and affection all throughout his/ her life?

If it is a single father, can he ever substitute the love and affection of a mother? Most men are not socialized to be a nurturer. These children run the risk of inadequate care and protection.

Single mothers are usually the poorest segment of society. Most of them haven’t mastered skills to be economically productive. As a result children of single mothers become vulnerable to economic exploitation and abuse.

How Not to Victimise Children on Right to Family Life

“Prevention is Better Than Cure”


Understanding the Partner

It is essential to understand the partner and his aspirations before getting married. Proposed marriages in Sri Lanka is a common practice. Usually in a proposed marriage socio-economic status are considered and horoscopes are matched to see whether the personalities tally. Yet, unless you associate a person for a reasonable time you will not know whether values and beliefs of both partners match. In a traditional sense, living together and pre-marital sex and extensive dating are social taboos that are not encouraged by most parents and relations in Sri Lanka. We Sri Lankans should be more liberal when it come to relationships and dating. What’s wrong with a mutual long term relationship rather than committing to a life long partnership without understanding the partner?

Practicing Family Planning Methods

Practicing family planning methods until both partners are dead sure of each other, even after a marriage is a good practice to avoid children being victims of wrong decisions parents make.

How a Single Parent could contribute towards protecting the right to family life of the child-

• Never Prejudice a child about her mother or father. Let the child make his or her own decision. Don’t ever criticize the partner in front of the child. What ever the feeling you have towards the partner, remember that for the child he/ she means the world

• Never limit access to other parent.

• Make joint decisions on upbringing the child

• Explore alternative family based care while the single parent is working. For example, leaving the child with the extended family.

• Try to effectively utilize all free time with your child. Remember you should be his/her mother figure and father figure.

• Never take your frustrations from your child. He is not responsible for all the hardships you have to go through



Some Recommendations for Interventions-

• It is necessary to introduce a social Protection scheme for single mothers, at least for ones below the poverty threshold.

• Create awareness in schools not to marginalize children of single parents

• Access to counselling and psycho social support for children of single parents